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Why have a page on definitions of Forgiveness?  The authors of Amish Grace explain it best:

First, forgiveness is a valued but disputed virtue.  Some people find forgiveness noble in the abstract but much more complicated when real-life factors – who is being forgiven? Of what? By whom? In what circumstances? – are added to the mix.  Second, forgiveness is defined differently by different people.  Indeed, part of the challenge of talking about forgiveness stems from different definition of what forgiveness entails. (Amish Grace, p. 60)

As we explore forgiveness, it seems the first big hurdle is the word itself.  Below you will find how various authors define the term.

Forgiveness means to “over-give, ” to give too much, to surprise by giving someone a chance to start over.  To forgive is to give a future.” (from “Remember to Forgive” by Fr. Lawrence Donohoo, OP)

Forgiveness…the experience of peace and understanding that can be felt in the present moment. …Forgiveness is the powerful assertion that bad things will not ruin your today even though they may have spoiled your past. (Forgive for Good, p. xii)

Forgiveness is the process of reframing one’s anger and hurt from the past, with the goal of recovering one’s peace in the present and revitalizing one’s purpose and hopes for the future. (Forgive to Live, p. 5)

American Heritage College Dictionary defines “forgive” as, “To renounce anger or resentment against.”  It goes back to a Greek root word that means “to set free.” … To “renounce” means “To reject, disown.” … In order to forgive I am not required to cease to feel anger or resentment, only to renounce anger or resentment, which means to disown my anger and resentment. (Dare to Forgive, pp. 25-26)

One way to define forgiveness:  Do not allow what the other person did to poison your system…You don’t take it in and make it personal [don’t take it personally].  (Dare to Forgive, p. 134)

Forgiveness is a concept that everyone understands – until they’re asked to define it. …Enright, in his book Forgiveness is a Choice, …highlights three essential aspects of forgiveness:  that the offense be taken seriously, that victims have a moral right to anger, and that for forgiveness to take place, victims must give up their right to anger and resentment.  In sum, forgiveness is a gift to our offender, who may not necessarily deserve it. …forgiveness does not and should not depend on the remorse or apology of the offender …forgiveness is unconditional. (Amish Grace, pp. 126-127)

Forgiveness is much stronger, not to mention wiser, than vengeance or retribution, and it begets the best kind of justice….  Forgiveness bears a greater burden than vengeance ever could.  Vengeance lets hatred rule you.  Forgiveness overrules hatred.  Forgiveness is not only stronger; it is much more clever and wise than vengeance or retribution.  Forgiveness takes intelligence, discipline, imagination and persistence, as well as a special psychological strength, something athletes call mental toughness and warriors call courage. (Dare to Forgive, p. 27)

These definitions come from scholars and are very useful to read but not easy to memorize and carry with you.  So, for purpose of the Season of Forgiveness, we want a definition that is portable, mobile, and quick to apply but also has some depth and reflection.  Here’s our definition of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is understanding and acceptance.

Understanding involves: 

•gathering and comprehending the facts of the matter

•identifying your feelings related to the matter

•examining your behaviors related to the matter

Acceptance involves:

•recognizing that what has happened cannot be changed

•recognizing each person’s role in the matter (including your own)

•recognizing that everyone (yourself and others) is worthy of respect and care

Our definition is a “work in progress,” so please expect updates from time to time.  How we understand ourselves and others and the attitude we take toward our lives and others’ lives can and will make all the difference.  William James said, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.”  We can choose to forgive.  Parker Palmer quotes Vaclav Havel:

“…the salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human meekness and in human responsibility.  Without a global revolution in…human consciousness, nothing will change for the better, and the catastrophe toward which this world is headed…will be unavoidable.” (The Courage to Teach, p. 20)