More specifically, I have stage four kidney cancer which means that, while they removed the big tumor and one kidney, the cancer has spread into my lungs (just a little bit). While removing the kidney and tumor, there were complications that made my situation “interesting” and “unusual” – NOT something you want to hear in the medical arena.
Of course, I didn’t ask for this or plan for this. In fact, I had none of the risk factors – not a smoker, not obese, not stressed. None of it makes sense, so…
Sometimes, I just shake my head in disbelief and wonder, “Why did this happen?”
This is a low moment. During these moments, my positive attitude steps aside and I grieve the loss of my previously normal life. I worry about what’s to come, and hesitate to learn more about my situation.
I also cry every day…often more than once.
Most of the time, I know why tears well up, for example, I’m reminded of the wonderful support of family and friends or I ponder an uncertain future. Other times, I cry for seemingly no reason – either way, another low moment.
I’m trying to live into the low moments. In her book, Radical Remission, Kelly Turner names “releasing suppressed emotions” as one of the nine key factors to healing. So, I’m learning to forgive myself for attitudinal backsliding and to let it all out. Once the low moment has passed, I find it’s easier to restate my mantra: face the facts of the situation and never lose faith in the outcome.
I find that the low moments don’t negate my healing attitude. Instead, these moments round it out, make it complete: every yin needs a yang.
These are not weak moments. They are simply real moments.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. Washington Irving
Here’s a review of Radical Remission, including a list of the nine key factors (read now)