Have you ever tried to tell a 3-year-old what he or she should do? How did that work for you? Unless, and until, the behavior we desire aligns with what the 3-year-old desires, our only hope of compliance rests in threats (“I’m counting to three”) or physical coercion (carrying them to their room). Three-year-olds just want to do it their way, and the desire for self-determination never wanes.
At Season of Forgiveness, we believe that everyone desires a fulfilling life and that individual fulfillment follows from a self-defined path of personal health (mind, body & spirit) and interpersonal connections. The key – and the challenge – for us all as we deal with other people is making space for self-determination. I can describe my experience, and I can share the experiences of others. What I cannot do is determine the path that’s best for you.
As I contemplate unconditional love (i.e., unconditional regard, unconditional acceptance), I look below action and perceived intention to that desire for fulfillment and wholeness. The unifying urge within us all is to live a life aligned with our deepest values and beliefs. It is on that plane of understanding that I can look at another person – whoever they are, wherever they come from, and whatever they believe – and say
There I go again.
Those who position themselves as “against me” (i.e., my enemies) want nothing more or less than I want. They are against me because I represent a barrier to their deepest desire, to their self-determination, to their fulfillment…just as I wish to remove barriers to my fulfillment. We share a common fundamental desire.
My enemy and I are the same.
As I acknowledge, understand, and accept this shared fundamental desire and the perception that “I’m in the way,” I enter an arena in which I can forgive and look beyond rhetoric. I invite the other to join me and seek a path to resolution.
This is not naively crying out, “Why can’t we all get along.” I’ve seen people resolve conflict and reconcile relationships with those who’ve said and done hurtful things, sabotaged careers, and even killed family members. As a result, they shed their bitterness, and their futures opened to life-giving possibilities.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not only possible; they’re desirable. They engage us in actively acknowledging an elusive yet deep and soulful human reality:
My enemy and I are one.
Quote
The bottom line of every moral code is: This is how one behaves toward those with whom one belongs together. The differences depend merely on who all is included in that belonging. Brother David Steindl-Rast
Web
Here’s a brief, yet intense, post by Brother David Steindl-Rast on Oneness, Belonging, and the Self (read now)
As I contemplate unconditional love (i.e., unconditional regard, unconditional acceptance), I look below action and perceived intention to that desire for fulfillment and wholeness. The unifying urge within us all is to live a life aligned with our deepest values and beliefs. It is on that plane of understanding that I can look at another person – whoever they are, wherever they come from, and whatever they believe – and say
There I go again.
Those who position themselves as “against me” (i.e., my enemies) want nothing more or less than I want. They are against me because I represent a barrier to their deepest desire, to their self-determination, to their fulfillment…just as I wish to remove barriers to my fulfillment. We share a common fundamental desire.
My enemy and I are the same.
As I acknowledge, understand, and accept this shared fundamental desire and the perception that “I’m in the way,” I enter an arena in which I can forgive and look beyond rhetoric. I invite the other to join me and seek a path to resolution.
This is not naively crying out, “Why can’t we all get along.” I’ve seen people resolve conflict and reconcile relationships with those who’ve said and done hurtful things, sabotaged careers, and even killed family members. As a result, they shed their bitterness, and their futures opened to life-giving possibilities.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not only possible; they’re desirable. They engage us in actively acknowledging an elusive yet deep and soulful human reality:
My enemy and I are one.
Quote
The bottom line of every moral code is: This is how one behaves toward those with whom one belongs together. The differences depend merely on who all is included in that belonging. Brother David Steindl-Rast
Web
Here’s a brief, yet intense, post by Brother David Steindl-Rast on Oneness, Belonging, and the Self (read now)
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